


the shape of forgiveness and mid-july heat

by sailingthenightsea



Series: meant to be [2]
Category: The Last of Us, The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Father-Daughter Relationship, Post-Canon, ellie knew he was lying the whole time and here’s the moment when they talk about it, i also will not allow my babies to be angry with each other, i need the found family dynamic to breath, no spoilers for tlou2, you can’t make me accept tlou2 as canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:34:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25010068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailingthenightsea/pseuds/sailingthenightsea
Summary: “You killed them all, didn’t you?” she asks in the quiet and the silence cracks and shatters in the unforgiving wake of her voice. There’s no accusation, there’s no anger. Her voice is surprisingly calm, but it’s not that surprising really.
Relationships: Ellie & Joel (The Last of Us)
Series: meant to be [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810783
Comments: 23
Kudos: 118





	the shape of forgiveness and mid-july heat

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i watched a play through of this game and then of tlou2 in the last two weeks and ellie and joel found their way into my heart and they don’t seem like they’re going to be leaving any time soon so here we are
> 
> (if u see me editing this a teeny bit to prep for new works in the series, no u didn't <3)

Summer in Jackson is usually pleasant, according to Tommy and Maria, but this July has been especially hot. Ellie thinks it’s hotter than any place has any right to be, but Joel just laughs at her whining, talking about Texan summers that broke 100°. She’s not sure she believes him.

Not that she really cares because right now she’s unbelievably hot and it’s the middle of the night. For once it’s not their nightmares keeping them awake. The two are laying on top of the blankets with the bedroom window open trying to drift off in the stifling heat.

She’s listening to the cicadas and the sound of Joel’s breathing, all the noisy silence a comfort.

It’s so hot though and she’s left laying there, thinking. Inevitably, her mind circles back to the early spring. The hospital, the Fireflies, the lie. Her hand drifts absently to the guitar pick and she runs her thumb lightly over the letters there.

She glances over at Joel. He’s got his eyes closed and his fingers are drumming out a steady beat on his stomach.

The anger and pain that had boiled under her skin for those couple weeks coming back to Jackson, coming _home_ , is long gone now, replaced by a quiet kind of acceptance. She knows he lied, and she knows something awful happened in that hospital, and she knows what really hurt the most was that he didn’t just _tell her_.

“You killed them all, didn’t you?” she asks in the quiet and the silence cracks and shatters in the unforgiving wake of her voice. There’s no accusation, there’s no anger. Her voice is surprisingly calm, but it’s not that surprising really. She isn’t angry at him. She’s just not.

Joel goes completely still. “What?” he half whispers, voice cracking. She knows he’s just buying time or trying to avoid the conversation.

“The Fireflies. Something went wrong at the hospital and you killed them all.” There’s no room for escape, and she tracks the rapid changing expressions on his face.

“Ellie—”

She sits up, and he stops, looks back at her, sits up too.

“I know when you’re lying,” she says, and it’s true in a way it isn’t for anyone else. She knows him better than any other person has in a long time. Better than Tommy even, despite not knowing all the details of his past. Or maybe it’s because she doesn’t know it all. Maybe that means she can see him clearly as he is now.

He sighs, drags a hand across his face. Then he looks at her and there’s fear and pain swirling in his eyes like her paints mixing in one of the little plastic cups he brought her their first week here.

“They were gonna kill you,” he says and it’s so quiet she aches a little. “They were gonna kill you without ever giving you a choice.”

And Ellie just nods, glancing down at where her fingers are picking at a loose thread in the quilt. She knew and the confirmation doesn’t make her as breathless as she expected it to.

It’s quiet for a moment before she looks up from her hands. “Do you think that they could’ve done it? Saved the world?”

Joel squeezes his eyes shut for a brief moment and takes a deep, steadying breath, exhaling shakily. “No,” he answers. “I mean- I don’t know, maybe they coulda made a vaccine that worked. I don’t know much about that stuff. But what I do know is the world ain’t exactly in one piece. Getting the vaccine to everyone would’ve been damn near impossible if they could even make enough. I know there are too damn many infected in the world to ever really fix it.” He takes another deep breath, and then he meets her eyes. “And I know I promised you I wouldn’t leave without you. I kept that promise. I would do it again.”

There’s silence again for a moment while she searches his face for a lie and he searches hers for blame.

Then she speaks. “I’m not mad at you, Joel.” She sighs and the lines of his face soften and his eyes crinkle like he’s gonna cry. “I don’t wanna die. No one ever said I would have to.” She looks down again, pulling the thread harder until it snaps and she wraps it around her finger. “Maybe I should have. Maybe I should be angry at you for not letting me... but I’m not. I don’t know if that means I’m a bad person, but—”

“It makes you human, baby girl. You shouldn’t‘ve ever even been put in that position.” His fists clench the blankets before he blows out his breath slowly and releases his grip. The rage builds and releases like the ebb and flow of the tides. She finds a kind of strange comfort in its steadiness, in knowing what it would do to protect her, like a wildfire or a flood, wiping everything away, leaving just the two of them standing in the peaceful wreckage of the world.

“Thank you,” she says, but he cuts her off.

“Don’t- don’t thank me, Ellie. You don’t have to- it’s my job. To protect you. Remember?” His voice is rough like gravel and she smiles a little at the edge or her mouth thinking back to the suspicion of their first meeting.

She shrugs, and leans her head on his shoulder, ignoring the heat and the sweat. “Maybe,” she says softly into the stifling dark that feels so much more like home than any place she’s ever known. “Maybe it was meant to be.”

He wraps an arm around her shoulders and pulls her into a half hug, planting a kiss in her hair. “Yeah. Yeah, maybe it was, kiddo.”

“I love you, Joel.”

He smiles and she feels it against the crown of her head. “I love you too, baby girl. So much.”

“So much,” she whispers into his soft shirt.

And they’re okay. Broken in places and bleeding in others, but they’re together and they’re something shaped like whole. And it’s enough. It’s more than enough.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!! i live on kudos and if you feel like leaving a comment or even just a quick little “<3” i’d really appreciate it!!
> 
> also i am _considering_ doing a one shot series spinning off from this so if you’d be interested i recommend going ahead an subbing to the series this is posted under so you get the notifications!!
> 
> hmu on tumblr under sailingthenightsea or on twitter @sailthenightsea!! i’ve also got an editing account on ig under sailingvfx if that’s your thing~


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